To Whom It May Concern:
I’ve been in Arizona for three weeks now, and I have yet to catch my breath.
My days start with breakfast and Morning Prayer with those of us who are down here from UMary. Sometimes it starts earlier if I can drag my lazy self out of bed to go for a run. The rest of the day consists of going to class, working in Mary College either by cleaning, cataloging books, or greeting people at the front desk, Mass, additional prayer time, and, of course, homework. Some days I’m too busy to find lunch. On Thursdays and Fridays, we host community events at Mary College, which require preparation, service, and cleanup. The weekends are taken up with getting ahead or catching up on homework because of the minimal amount of time I have to complete it during the week. Somehow, we find time for a Bible study, an additional meeting as women, fam dinners on Saturday nights, and various activities at the Newman Center or with the Catholic sorority my friend and I are joining.
I’m not saying all of this to make you pity me. To come down here was my choice. To participate in the activities that aren’t required of me is also my choice. But to those of you who have joined me on my journey with Totus Tuus and even Rome, you know how hard it is to stay in contact. It doesn’t really matter that there’s only an hour time difference between me and most of my loved ones—I’m still on mission. We’re to build up the Catholic community down here at ASU, and I can tell you that there is a great need and desire for it. What this means is that I need to be intentional with the people I’m here with—my roommates, my UMary friends, my classmates, my future sorority sisters, etc.—which also means that I have significantly less time to invest in relationships with people who aren’t here. I’m a full-time student, part-time worker, and full-time missionary. Again, I’m not trying to get pity but attempting to paint a picture. Does this mean I don’t value the relationships with people back at home and in school? Absolutely not. The texts, calls, Marco Polos, letters, packages, etc., mean more than you know. But I am asking you to join me in this mission with your sacrifices, which may entail us not talking as much as we’d like to.
If you’d like to continue reading, I have some more thoughts on my experience thus far.
I went back and read the first blog I wrote about my Roman adventure, and it was entitled “Bravery Amidst Discomfort” (https://fearlessadventuring.wordpress.com/2018/01/08/bravery-amidst-discomfort/). In it, I talked about the fear and excitement of travelling alone and looking forward to spending four months in a foreign country. It was quite silly of me to consider that “discomfort,” considering I had never been more at peace in my entire life. But I digress. As it turns out, you can feel more like a foreigner in your own country than you ever did in Italy.
I’ve been here for three weeks, and each day I’ve felt my courage and confidence lessening. Who am I be here as a student missionary? If nothing else, the past couple of weeks have humbled me by showing me how smart I’m not and how unholy I am—not necessarily in a self-deprecating way, but in an enlightening, truthful manner. This expedition requires me to be braver than I ever had to think of being in Rome. And it’s been so so hard.
I think being thrown into a group of people you don’t know super well in a place you don’t know at all allows for greater opportunity for self-evaluation and reflection. Who am I, really? And am I able to fearlessly be whoever she is at home in Brookings, at UMary, at work, at ASU, etc.? Right now, I don’t think the answer can be a truthful “yes,” because I have no idea who she is.
Is she the kind of person who can stand up for truth when necessary? Can she remain faithful to prayer? Can she be disciplined in her studies? Can she be a good friend? Is she willing to admit that she can’t do it on her own and needs help?
I certainly didn’t realize the bravery and courage that was being asked of me before signing on to this mission, but I’ve already learned the hard way that, if I’m not leaning on the Lord for everything I need (especially strength), then I’m going to suffer and fail tremendously. But through Him, I have hope that there is a reason we are here, even if we’re only planting seeds for fruit we won’t be able to harvest.
Please keep me, the rest of the UMary crew, and all those we encounter here in your prayers. They are holding us, and through them, we are all united.
Love, Maggie
PS- Because the Mass is outside of time, I’ll catch y’all in the Eucharist 😊